Yesterday I had a heart to heart talk with my dad. We were talking about how expensive it is to live in the city and might want to relocate later on in the suburbs. I told him, he and mom might do so since it’d be better for them to live somewhere where it’s peaceful, compared to us who might have a family and have work here in the city. Then he told me, “You might try not to have a family Ne, it’s better for your health”.
At that point it suddenly dawned on me that yes, I still do have mental health problems and it is permanent. Also, my little brother was listening and was seconding the notion saying, “It might be stressful for you.” My dad added, “What if you have a child and then you have this condition, let’s hope it won’t get worse.” All I was left to say was “It depends, if I meet a guy that can help me with it then why not?” But I was still hesitant to say that because it’s hard to find someone who can understand my condition. My dad then said “If that’s the case it might be better if you find a filipino guy compared to a foreigner, at least we could know the lineage of where the guy came from vs a foreign person whom you don’t know the background.” Which is true, and I immediately agreed.
He then told me about this person my parents met when they went to New York a couple of weeks back when they visited the place for a mini vacation/ anniversary escapade. She was single and she was even the Miss Nursing and Miss CPU of her time. My little brother was also there when they went to New York and he recalls she is very enthusiastic and happy. Like, I want to be that too honestly. That’s why I have this plan on being a “Rich Single Tita” lol but is it worth it though?
I can honestly see myself as this person, a single woman, I don’t necessarily have to be rich though that would be much better. I can travel the world, not be stressed out on having children but in the end, where will I stay? Who will take care of me? I can opt for my nieces and nephews from my brothers’ family, but… God only knows eh. God only knows. I truthfully do not want to undergo pregnancy, I think I couldn’t handle it, and since I have a history of mental health, I’m scared of Post Partum Depression. Yes there is such a thing like that.
I know I shouldn’t be scared of what will happen to me, but I can’t help it, I’m only human. It’s up to God now, only he knows what will happen to me. I mean, he gave me this condition unexpectedly, but I still believe in His purpose for my life.
Rich Single Tita? Sounds good for the books. But let’s see.