Random Musings

December 7, 2015

I had a feeling of writing something today. At first it was only a thought, that I would write something out of boredom because I just feel like it. I forgot this day was a special day because so many things have happened in the past especially when it’s December 7. So even though my day isn’t that special because I only spent it studying finals, I thought of writing an article about my thoughts and recent experiences ever since I was diagnosed with my current condition which is psychosis.

Not that I’m still delusional up to this day, I have my meds and I constantly see the psychiatrist so don’t worry I’m not a crazy person. I still get flashbacks of the time I was going through the phase. Sometimes it’s during the day or at night, either way it’s as if they’re nightmares. I really do not wish for that to happen to me again.

Right now everything is still surreal to me. Even if it happened six months ago already, I can still feel as if it happened yesterday. Nothing much has happened to me after that. I spent summer recovering from the hospital and stayed indoors figuring out life, and death. I was really weird. Glad that phase is over and honestly, I thank God he had let me experience such a scary incident. It made me stronger.

Fall was next and at the beginning of it I started my new life in a new apartment. It’s funny to think that I have had a lot of new lives already and I’m still 22. It’s true that sometimes turning points in your life come when you least expect it. For me, I was at my happiest and most comfortable when my psychosis incident came in. The same goes when in 2012 when I suffered from depression, I was an ignorant fool. You really do not know and will never know when something will hit you, so you must live your life to the fullest.

With regards to fall season, I thank God I had a crush back then. He made me become inspired with photography. With doing so, I purposely had to go places just so I can take lovely pictures and post them on the internet. It’s kind of pathetic if you think about it, but if I hadn’t done so, I would’ve just stayed in the house and mope. So I have made a discovery: Be so inspired with your life that it shows through (may it be in pictures, poems, articles, crafts, etc.). It was also in Fall that I learned about adult colouring books, modern and brush calligraphy. It sparked a lot of creativity in me and I plan to do it for the long haul.

As fall came to a close, we approach Winter, which started in November. Another funny thing is though it’s winter, snow hasn’t fell yet. And now it’s December. I just hope we could still have a White Christmas unlike last year.

Love life… I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m torn between my studies and starting a relationship. I’m scared because I haven’t had a relationship in years. There are questions in my head like, “Should I wait a little more until graduation? Or should I find my other half soon before it’s too late?” like those kinds of stuffs. I’ve fallen in love once or twice before but this time I want to fall in love not spontaneously, but like getting to know someone for a long time then decide, you know. Maybe my time isn’t here yet, maybe my prince is just late lol.

Anyhow, that’s it for now I guess. It’s not much of an inspiring article it’s just my random musings. I hope you could tune in for my next article! It’ll be sooner than you think because it’ll be my New Year’s Resolutions. Until next time, toodles! 🙂

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