This is a testimonial I did during the weekly Prayer Meeting in our church last August 20, 2015. The Lord has been good to me through a miracle during the toughest time in my life and I would like to share to you his goodness.
A Psalm of David. A song at the dedication of the temple.
30 I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
3 O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.[a]
4 Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.[b]
5 For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.[c]
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
6 As for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I shall never be moved.”
7 By your favor, O Lord,
you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
I was dismayed.
8 To you, O Lord, I cry,
and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
9 “What profit is there in my death,[d]
if I go down to the pit?[e]
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me!
O Lord, be my helper!”
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
12 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Depression is a state of feeling sad or: a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way. Anxiety is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. I learned about these words when I was taking up nursing in university back in the Philippines but it wasn’t until 2012 that I truly understood what it meant when I had to undergo a major life change during that time. It was when I was anticipating my life to transition from living in Iloilo to live here in Toronto. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. One day I was happy living life and then suddenly this uneasiness came in and what seems like it took my joy. It was my 4th year in Nursing that I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with psychosis. Psychosis is a state in which your brain is undergoing chemical imbalances which affects the nervous system. At first I didn’t mind it because I thought it will be relieved once I become happy again to be with my family. When I came here in 2012 I was struggling to find contentment and I did some shenanigans in order for me to maintain my happiness. I will say I wasn’t proud of the things I did and I hope that God will forgive me for doing some wrong things and just being with the wrong crowd. I also let the internet take over my life, which is why it led me to be hospitalized just recently for a whole month this July. I really couldn’t explain well the experience that I had but it was a very scary experience for me when I had a series of panic attacks happen and I thought I was about to die. I’m still processing in my life the fact that I have psychosis and I’m honestly scared that it will affect my life and that I can’t live normally like other people. But thanks to God, Ate Rejoice sent me an article that greatly helped me find hope again, which is in Jesus Christ Our Lord. I thought I was the only one going through this problem but the girl in this article was going through the same difficulty as well.
A verse Psalm 56:3 in this article says, “There will be days when you will still feel fearful but you will have the assurance that God is with you and will not let anything harm you. He is protecting you. Despite the fear, keep believing. Soon the fear will have no power anymore. ‘Even when I am afraid, I keep on trusting You.” And this is true, one day I woke up and all of the fears of death, suicidal thoughts and depressive thinking just came out the window. Instead, I was filled with content and Joy. I may not be where I wanted to be right now but I guess this was the way God wanted me to understand that I should get back to Him and not worship technology, and trust His plans for me and not my own understandings. It’s hard especially in this day and age because everything is electronic but if we spend more time with technology than with our commitment to God, we really will suffer consequences.
I’m really thankful to God that now, through all of the things that have happened in my life, I am able to have Joy. I may not be fully healed yet and there will be circumstances that will happen to me in the future but now I am grateful that God has blessed me with my life and love from Him and from people close to me and everyone around me. I’m thankful for the prayers and the support from my friends and from my parents and siblings during that time when I was going through the episodes in the hospital. I’m truly grateful for the answered prayers that I was healed not long after because of the medicine that I am taking and the free health benefits from living here in Canada. I wonder what might have happened if I had my episodes in the Philippines, truly the Lord has blessed my family because if it did happen in the Philippines we would be spending much for hospitalization. Words from Psalm 23:4 says ‘Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.’ It really is true that you just have to cast your cares to Him and lay your burdens unto His feet. One day you will realize that those fears and worries will have no hold on you anymore.