Recently I can’t help but notice a lot of people that I know seem to be out of rhythm. Even though it’s just through social media, I can sense that most of them right now are going through phases, with which I can relate to, especially because I’ve been in their shoes when I was at my coming-of-age phase. Some are venturing into new relationships, some are curious about how far they can go, some are trying to find the reason what they are actually doing in life, basically trying to be happy despite their current situation. Don’t worry, it will soon pass. Looking from a scientific perspective, this usually happens after graduation or a new change in their lives and they are trying to figure out who they really are, hence the Identity vs Role Confusion of Erikson. As much as I’d like to help them, the only help that I can give them… is to let them be.
This may seem like a harsh kind of help but it’s for a good cause. During most of our adolescent lives, we are surrounded by unnecessary noises that may add to what our souls could only take. These noises maybe helpful to the current situation, like having a group of friends, exceling at a certain skill, basically everything that happens during “good times.” But these noises are like little weeds that cover up a very beautiful flower, which is our soul. The more weeds grow, the harder it is to see the beauty of that flower. But when we get rid of those weeds, or when the weeds wither, we can finally see its beauty. It’s much like growing older. As we get older, we discover who we really are or were all along. And if we don’t go through stuffs like these, we may never truly know who we are. This takes time though, but it’s true that time really does help heal.
We may build new relationships or venture into discovering this new change on our own, one way or another the only one to decide that you should be happy, is yourself. No one else can give you that authority. I can’t give someone ultimate joy, I’m only human, nor will other people. Though I, as a person, can be a vessel of being there and help ease up the pain or give understanding, nothing else comes close than realizing you are meant to just be still and cast your cares to The Lord to be able to know your purpose. I’ve learned this the hard way. Even though my family was with me, I expected much from them, which in turn only hurt me and them. We should never expect much from people even from those whom we are close or those who we love because… well they’re only human. We can give love as much as we want but we shouldn’t expect other people to do the same and be like us. People can only do so much and everyone is different. Especially with this “so-called-love” that we are mistaking of that we think we rightfully deserve. We really do deserve love, but not right away whenever we please. Love is not something you could command or force to push through in your life. If it’s genuine love, then it will brighten you for the long run. But if it’s love out of fear of being alone in this new world you’re venturing or about to venture, it’s temporary, and it’s definitely not love. “Perfect love casteth out fear”. You shouldn’t “fall in love” because of loneliness or because you’re scared to be by yourself facing the unknown. If we depend on people for our happiness, it’s not win-win. Although if you’re surrounded by supportive people who can lift you higher, it’s a good thing. But we must understand that surely at one point, there will be changes – people will be busy, have different paths and choices, new priorities, and added responsibilities. One important note here is to not take these things personally. It’s just life. If there are those who stayed, be grateful for it. Remember though that you will likely drift apart from each other and things might never be the same, but it’s okay.
I may speak from a perspective of an extrovert who became an introvert but this is how I have experienced life to be. It may be different for other people and this might be an advice that is a road less traveled but I’m grateful that I’ve had the best of both worlds. I’ve realized that either if you’re an extrovert who wants to obtain energy externally from activities in your surroundings, or an introvert who gains energy internally from meditation or quietness, life doesn’t hold the door for you. You need to grab hold of it and get to the other side, the side where you should be because it’s the door of your choice. God may reveal his purposes for you but then it’s all up to you. You may choose to venture this new journey with someone or by even just by yourself, what matters is you’re getting to know yourself without expectations, interruptions, prejudices or biases. Know thyself. It is the single most important lesson you should figure out to be free from your past and move on to your future. 🙂